A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him to find her.
~ Maya Angelou
Maya Angelou is one of my all time favorite authors. Her gift for writing speaks right to my soul. Yet, the quote, "A woman’s heart should be so hidden in God that a man has to seek Him to find her”, used to annoy me to no end. Perhaps its poetic nature drew me in, but it simply was not realistic. The more I dug into understanding what this meant, I found it backed up by scripture in Colossians 3:1-4. It essentially says to set your hearts on things above for we died and are hidden with Christ in God. Jesus was speaking to me right then and there with this scripture, but what is God sharing with us by telling us to be hidden in Christ? In my mind, no one was “finding” me let alone in Christ’s heart. I already felt hidden enough with my incredible level of quarks and personal limitations. To add fuel to the fire, my outlook looked even more grim when I thought about the men I do know and love dearly.
I grew up by in large around males. I have three brothers, my dad, and a boat load of extended uncles and male cousins. When it came to details I cannot say it was their strong suits, unless it had to do with sports, cars, or the stock exchange. For instance, when they opened the fridge, I often would wait for the scream of my name “Kathryn where is the mustard I don’t see it?” I was unimpressed when I would open the fridge to find it dead center on the shelf. Unsure how I realized this comparison as a younger lady, but my logic was always trying to rationalize things. How am I supposed to get married if I am hidden in the abyss of the Alpha and Omega when my brothers couldn’t see the bright yellow mustard on the shelf staring them straight in the face?
It wasn’t until I fell madly and deeply in love with Jesus that I could grasp this bomb of a revelation. My first blunder was that I was comparing the physical realm with the natural. In other words, seeing the bottle of yellow mustard in the fridge and finding me in Gods heart were two different things. First, a woman cannot be compared to a bright yellow bottle of mustard, she is far more precious than the latest and greatest ball park mustard. Second, a man who does not love as God commanded will always be blinded to a woman hidden in God’s heart because it takes the supernatural vision of Christ to see the beauty of another soul. However, a man who lives what scripture lays out as the role of the man, who sees the woman as first belonging to Christ, sanctified (set aside as holy) for a man of God who is also sanctified (set aside and holy) for a woman of God will be able to see her heart completely. He who does not know has blind eyes and deaf ears to the gem that is in front of him, and when a (wo)man after God’s heart veers from what we are shown in scripture about who we are and what we are to look for in a spouse we get into relationships prematurely or in the entirely wrong relationships altogether bringing us so much unnecessary pain and turmoil.
This does not mean you can’t have chemistry with someone who does not know God. I have had chemistry with plenty of guys who do not know or care to know Christ and so have others, but we are told in Corinthians 6:14 “ Do not be unequally yoked together with unbelievers. For what fellowship has righteousness with lawlessness? And what communion has light with darkness.” Simply, do not entertain someone who is not in alignment with you spiritually for the light of Christ does not commune with the darkness of the enemy. Eventually, darkness will be exposed and it will flee. A man after Gods heart is also after the very things that the woman hidden in Christ embodies in her daily life. A relationship cannot blossom if there is darkness covering one or both of the individuals. The things of darkness that are brought to light are often attached to abandonment, abuse, cheating, broken promises, broken covenants, lust in word and action, and all things complicated, confusing, and painful. This wisdom was given to us in scripture as a warning and as a protection from unnecessary added pain, not as a judgement or hierarchy of a follower of Christ over the human race. I concluded, this quote did not mean a woman had to literally hide herself, but rather allow herself to be submerged in the Fathers love and teachings so that she would light up the world around her with the fruit of His Spirit. For it is in being the light of Christ, a man after God’s heart will simultaneously be after a woman who embodies Christ’s heart because she is His heart. While people may recognize she is different, a woman living for Christ, drenched in His goodness can only be loved purely and righteously by man of God. A man seeking Christ can truly see the Truth she carries, he can hear the soft whisper of God about her, and he can and will love her in the fullness of what Christ intended. He will in turn, without reservation, pursue her and marry her for it is in hiding one is found. So to those who might feel hidden, know it is for good reason, be thankful not everyone sees you. You only need one yes, not a million maybes.