Updated: Aug 2, 2020
A wise friend once told me, "You are officially a complete and utter failure, and now God can use you." Upon further reflection, my dear and wise friend could not have been more accurate in his assessment. As I reflected on my current life situation, my smeared reputation, my bank account or lack thereof, my failed attempts at jobs over and over, my failed relationships, my failed attempts healing my body of infirmity, my failed attempts to move out of my parents and stay out of my parents home- I saw the beauty in it all. Like Mary, I often sat and waited in anticipation to hear my Father speak to me. Like the weeping prophet, Jeremiah, I spent many of my days weeping at the base of my bed on the floor covered in tears, hungry to feel His presence and to know I was not forgotten. Like the Prophet Jonah, I tried to runaway from my call to ministry, yet, he swallowed me up in a whale (my parents home) and told me “not so fast dear one you have some healing and preparation to do”. Like Daniel, I spent much time in the lions den eating celery and carrots hoping for a gosh darn breakthrough. I could go on to show you the many biblical persons God revealed to me in my walk that resonated with my journey, but I think you are catching onto the point. This is why I am here. I wish I could tell you some positive exciting reason, but the truth is I am here because I am a failure. I am unqualified. I could think of a million smarter, wiser, more seasoned, and worthy individuals. I am a random girl from a suburb who honestly begged God to give me a simple quiet life. I failed over and over, but never stopped seeking His wise counsel while loving others, and spreading joy in the midst of my own deep dark pain- and that ladies and gentleman is how God called me to bring His creation back into relationship with Him.
My desire is to be a true servant leader always pointing people back to Jesus, the Truth found in scripture. People will be saved, people will be healed, people will be set free from strong holds and demonic oppression, people will come with repentant hearts, and leave set on fire for Christ so they too can bring Him into their sphere of influence, but most importantly people will see a personal relationship with Christ is not some impossible feat. It does not need to be public, you do not have to strive, in fact, there is wisdom in keeping most of it private. Matthew 7:6 " Do not give what is holy to dogs, nor cast your pearls to swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you into pieces." Thus, do not feel a pressure to share every detail of your walk with Christ. For years I marinated in His presence and let Him mature me to be able to handle the pushback I most definitely receive. Fervently seek His counsel in your prayers and in scripture. He will guide the way and show you what you personally need to protect and what you need to be doing to advance His Kingdom.
In conclusion, I have nothing to lose, but everything to gain in giving all my honor and glory to God with my life. I am dedicating my life, I am all in, and there is no turning back. My prayer and deepest desire is to win souls for Christ, to share the true Gospel of peace in a world constantly at war with itself, to equip people with the truth of their identity found in Christ, to break off old ways of thinking and being, to show He is still living, breathing, and working on our behalf, and that you can have encounters with Christ through both resting in His presence and actively seeking relationship with Him. It is a dream come true to be a witness of God's love, to watch Him fill every nook and cranny of my broken soul and countless others. I hope this is a place you find the fruit of the Holy Spirit and finally feel the freedom to live your life in the honor and glory of God. He is worthy of it all. As it says in Psalm 145:1 " I will extol thee, my God, O king, and I will bless thy name for ever and ever."